I'm feeling so angry. SO angry. I could rip up my room curtains. To shreds. I'm seething with rage. I'm literally RIGID with rage. I've never been this freaking ANGRY before in my LIFE. I really need a vent for my anger. My fingers are like... Shaking. It's just so UNFAIR. So f*****g unfair. I really don't know what to do. I've never felt this much venom and yet vulnerable before. I want to curl up and cry and I wanna go out there and beat someone up. But yet, here I sit, typing away about my solitary existence. At least I'm feeling slightly better. I'm gonna go ahead and spill about the recent crappy events...
1. I didn't get selected for Seeds of Peace. I went all the way to the last round and my friends were all so confident I'd get in. Then I didn't. I made the waiting list. I'm on HOLD. Like I'm calling to complain about bad plumbing or something. Everyone was all 'Dude you shouldn't be sad!! You made the waiting list!!! Out of all those kids, that's amazing!!' No one seemed to see me struggling out there. I was just in shock for a bit. I had been saying continuously since the interview that I mustn't get complacent. But listening to all these people reassuring me that I'd get in, well, heck, after a point it gets to you. All my life, I've truly, never faced too many rejections or failures. I guess this is part of the path... But it still hurt like shit. I guess there still is hope that I might get in. But that is if someone's stupid enough to drop out. I mean, come ON. Who drops out of Seeds?? Unless it's something really serious, I don't any of the kids will. And so it sucks for me. But there are positives to this whole not-being-chosen thing. But since right now I'm feeling FAR from positive, I ain't gonna recount any of those.
2. Math test happened. I got an 'A'. I had been expecting better. I know this sounds REALLY lame, but the test went so well, I thought I'd get very close to a 100%. But of course the non-existent providence ruling our crappy lives just HAS to have a mood swing. So half an hour after I get my Seeds news, I'm confronted with this Mathematical Misfortune. I guess at that point all this misery just got compounded and I ran to the bathroom, locked myself in and cried softly for five whole minutes.
3. My parents aren't the most considerate folks at all times.
4. I get a terrible cold that makes me feel like CRAP. And then I feel feverish and I feel the incessant need to throw something heavy or sharp, or both, at anyone who dares to look happy in my presence.
5. Chem test on Monday. Chem doesn't work for me. I really don't feel like studying Charles' Law and Boyle's Law. I mean, seriously. how is it gonna help me in my life??? Not to mention it's inescapably boring.
6. My hair resembles a black mesh of tangled thread.
7. My room is a war zone. ( I love anyone who thought of The Wanted's 'Warzone' after reading this line)
8. I'm seriously unfit.
9. I really REALLY want to start guitar lessons. I haven't and can't yet. I've been dying to learn the guitar since I was eight.
10. I think I'm unrecognized. I don't think people see me for who I am. The few who do, rock. But still, the point is, I want to be known for something I'm actually good at. Or like doing. Not something I'm good at without wanting to be good at, or by fluke. Like singing. I KNOW this sounds terribly conceited but so many people don't know that I love singing more than anything else in the world. Okay, I love food and books and writing equally.... But people don't know that either!!! There's a fixed person for each thing. You know, this one person who sings really loud and annoying songs all the time and makes everyone go NUTS. My close friends know I love singing and know that my larynx is one my most treasured possessions. But the others? They're part of my class too... And it all spirals back to the same thing. I don't have too many friends. The circumference of my friend circle is probably equal to that of a 1 rupee coin. (Which by the way is not particularly enormous). It's not that I don't sing all the time. I do. Every single waking moment. I'm just not as outgoing and daring as I wish I was. I kid myself all the time with 'I'm perfect the way I am' and stupid stuff to make me hold my chin up for important stuff. But this line doesn't have any proven long term effects. Zilch. Zip. Zero.
So that's a basic summary. Bleah. How bout I just progress to the suggestions section of my blog??
1. The Host- Stephanie Meyer (book)
2. Eve- Anna Carey (book)
3. Uglies- Scott Westerfeld (book 1 of a trilogy)
4. Paradise End- Elizabeth Liard (book)
5. Breath of Life- Florence and the Machine (song)
6. Round and Round- Imagine Dragons (song)
7. Re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-read the Harry Potter series.
Enjoy:)
Alvida, Squish.
PS: I imagine all these people reading my blog like how fans do for celebrities. Hanging anxiously to every word. Shows I delusional I am.
1. I didn't get selected for Seeds of Peace. I went all the way to the last round and my friends were all so confident I'd get in. Then I didn't. I made the waiting list. I'm on HOLD. Like I'm calling to complain about bad plumbing or something. Everyone was all 'Dude you shouldn't be sad!! You made the waiting list!!! Out of all those kids, that's amazing!!' No one seemed to see me struggling out there. I was just in shock for a bit. I had been saying continuously since the interview that I mustn't get complacent. But listening to all these people reassuring me that I'd get in, well, heck, after a point it gets to you. All my life, I've truly, never faced too many rejections or failures. I guess this is part of the path... But it still hurt like shit. I guess there still is hope that I might get in. But that is if someone's stupid enough to drop out. I mean, come ON. Who drops out of Seeds?? Unless it's something really serious, I don't any of the kids will. And so it sucks for me. But there are positives to this whole not-being-chosen thing. But since right now I'm feeling FAR from positive, I ain't gonna recount any of those.
2. Math test happened. I got an 'A'. I had been expecting better. I know this sounds REALLY lame, but the test went so well, I thought I'd get very close to a 100%. But of course the non-existent providence ruling our crappy lives just HAS to have a mood swing. So half an hour after I get my Seeds news, I'm confronted with this Mathematical Misfortune. I guess at that point all this misery just got compounded and I ran to the bathroom, locked myself in and cried softly for five whole minutes.
3. My parents aren't the most considerate folks at all times.
4. I get a terrible cold that makes me feel like CRAP. And then I feel feverish and I feel the incessant need to throw something heavy or sharp, or both, at anyone who dares to look happy in my presence.
5. Chem test on Monday. Chem doesn't work for me. I really don't feel like studying Charles' Law and Boyle's Law. I mean, seriously. how is it gonna help me in my life??? Not to mention it's inescapably boring.
6. My hair resembles a black mesh of tangled thread.
7. My room is a war zone. ( I love anyone who thought of The Wanted's 'Warzone' after reading this line)
8. I'm seriously unfit.
9. I really REALLY want to start guitar lessons. I haven't and can't yet. I've been dying to learn the guitar since I was eight.
10. I think I'm unrecognized. I don't think people see me for who I am. The few who do, rock. But still, the point is, I want to be known for something I'm actually good at. Or like doing. Not something I'm good at without wanting to be good at, or by fluke. Like singing. I KNOW this sounds terribly conceited but so many people don't know that I love singing more than anything else in the world. Okay, I love food and books and writing equally.... But people don't know that either!!! There's a fixed person for each thing. You know, this one person who sings really loud and annoying songs all the time and makes everyone go NUTS. My close friends know I love singing and know that my larynx is one my most treasured possessions. But the others? They're part of my class too... And it all spirals back to the same thing. I don't have too many friends. The circumference of my friend circle is probably equal to that of a 1 rupee coin. (Which by the way is not particularly enormous). It's not that I don't sing all the time. I do. Every single waking moment. I'm just not as outgoing and daring as I wish I was. I kid myself all the time with 'I'm perfect the way I am' and stupid stuff to make me hold my chin up for important stuff. But this line doesn't have any proven long term effects. Zilch. Zip. Zero.
So that's a basic summary. Bleah. How bout I just progress to the suggestions section of my blog??
1. The Host- Stephanie Meyer (book)
2. Eve- Anna Carey (book)
3. Uglies- Scott Westerfeld (book 1 of a trilogy)
4. Paradise End- Elizabeth Liard (book)
5. Breath of Life- Florence and the Machine (song)
6. Round and Round- Imagine Dragons (song)
7. Re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-read the Harry Potter series.
Enjoy:)
Alvida, Squish.
PS: I imagine all these people reading my blog like how fans do for celebrities. Hanging anxiously to every word. Shows I delusional I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment