How To Make Friends in College (Geek Edition)

Hiyoooohh!!

Long story short:
1. Boards got over.
2. I went to the Andaman and Nicobar Islands with the fam for a vacation.
3. Chilled with friends.
4. Started college today.

Did you read the 4th point and go, wait WHAT??
Well, it's true!
I started Junior College today.

My choice subjects are Physics, Chemistry, Zoology, Botany, Information Technology and Math/Psychology (I haven't made a choice yet, but it's probs gonna be maths)
My compulsory subjects are English, Environmental Studies and Physical Education. (lol srsly idek wtf)

We had two, three-hour lectures today and I really enjoyed the Zoology lecture. Physics was okay, I guess, but our professor seemed a bit out of it and I became really drowsy towards the end :D
However, I did comprehend most of what he was saying :p

I guess the highlight of today however is the Mingling.
So as you know, I'm an extremely awkward and shy person. Being dropped into a crowd of COMPLETELY UNKNOWN PEOPLE, is my Nightmare.
So I was really really worried about being that weird freaky kid who doesn't talk to anyone.

However....
I managed to muster the courage to introduce myself to and talk to the girl I was sharing a bench with, and another girl behind me. They both seemed very nice :)
Now I had worn my Deathly Hallows pendant to college in the hopes that someone would see it and identify themselves to me as a fellow fangirl.
And to my intense satisfaction (and relief), a slightly crazy (but sweet) girl came up to me during our break between lectures and introduced herself as a Potterhead. I also spoke to another girl next to her and we instantly hit it off. So I moved to sit next to them for our second lecture and I felt really happy and warm and accepted.

The thing is. If it hadn't been for the necklace, I might not have ended up speaking to these two and would have continued to remain slightly cut off from the others.

The point isn't the material necklace, but what it represents: COMMON INTERESTS.

So my advice for today (applicable in every situation I feel) is to talk and develop conversations and friendly relations based on Common Interests.

Because fangirling gets you far in life.

OH YES IT DOES.

So I have college tomorrow, and the day after that and then after that. But I feel that over time, the nerves that accompany me through the doors into our classroom will slowly fade and I'll get closer to the other people in my batch.
Seriously though, we have a long, hard journey ahead into the Medical Stream and we need to stick together for that. I saw how our seniors (they're all slightly mental) were a tight-knit group and I hope the same thing happens to us:)

SUGGESTIONS!!!!!!! (I haven't done this in ages sorry :p )

YouTube: Hannah Hart (biggest crush on her since forever. Also, dat hairstyle tho)
Songs: If you want to cry, re-listen to Light Behind Your Eyes and The World Is Ugly by MCR
Books: The Cuckoo's Calling by JK Rowling writing under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith
Movies: I literally haven't watched one in ages oh god
Other: gah just go on Tumblr I'm too tired to think ;)

Alvida,
Squish

PS: Amazingphil's new Easter Baking (well, melting and then chilling) video was soooo adorable and had all the right Phan Pheels :D I'm not some manic shipper or anything, but I definitely think they'd be ridiculously cute together :) Also Dan's bunny suit is such a vast bag of Nope that you should def not miss out on :D :p
So go check that out too!!! <3

Women 24x7

It's just another day today.
Well, it's International Women's Day.
Which is a day like any other.

I know I'm definitely not the first person saying that this specific day should not be that ONE day when people try to comprehend the worth and importance of women but instead they should respect us every single day.

Everyday should be an International "We're All Equal" Day, where we rejoice our existence and work for a better today and tomorrow.
Everyday should be an International "Much Unity, Very Love" Day where we support each other, no matter what caste, creed, gender, sexual orientation, colour, race, economic background, social status etc etc etc they identify with.

Because IDENTITY in itself, is a very important word. It is something that should have broad horizons and a timeless understanding. One should be able to be who they want, without fear or bias. If you're a woman, you don't have to be delicate, gentle, quiet, empathetic or motherly. If you're a man, you don't have to be strong, fearless or less sensitive.
If you are, good for you!
If you aren't, good for you!
There is no criteria you need to fulfill, to exist as a free, independent human being with an identity completely unique to you.

Of course, this doesn't mean one can commit crimes, hurt others, destruct peace and then sing "Baby I Was Born This Way".
No.
You were not born that way.
Your circumstances and choices and other influences made you that way.
And then if you do something wrong, it's not freaking God's will or Society's will, it's your will.
And sometimes, you're wrong.
So I guess you should try your best to move along the path that is right. (And common sense dictates which one that is, I believe)

I originally wanted to talk about India's Daughter, where I'd rant about the heinous statements made by the defense lawyers of the rapists, disgusting sexist comments of various people of authority, public outcry, the BBC Documentary etc.
But somehow, the idea of contaminating the post with the hatred and disgust I feel towards these ministers, lawyers, police inspectors etc etc seemed like something I just didn't want to do.
I just want this post to be about equality, compassion and protection of all humans from ignorance and injustice and not another reminder of the wrongs that have been committed.

So I have to go now, as I have my final math paper tomorrow.
But I'd like to conclude this post by saying that:

I hope that this Women's Day helps, even if it's just a little bit, towards promoting love and respect towards women because seriously, it's 2015, and anyone who feels that women are not worthy of all that, is probably MASSIVELY mislead or IMMENSELY stupid.
Or both.
Yeah.

Quote Time!!!

Alvida,

Squish.

Bored of Boards

Hello World!!
I really wanted to say that I went to hell and back, but I'm still in hell so I guess that phrase isn't particularly applicable here:)
The hell I am referencing here is in fact my ICSE BOARD EXAMS.
These are the board exams that a student gives after completing tenth standard. There are various different boards (systems), but I study under the ICSE. Which is a ton of trash.

Either way, those *ahem* lovely things are going on right now and I have 6 exams left (well 5.5 really since one of them is Art). I had HistoryCiv today and I think it went pretty well. Yesterday, after a full day of studying, I was completely worn out and sad. I was also feeling really awful about missing the Ed Sheeran concert that was at Mahalaxmi Racecourse only this Sunday. I met up with some friends yesterday and all they did was talk about it and I just had to listen to them blabber on an on about how great is was and how sad it is that it actually had to end at some point. I just stood there like "srsly dude idek wtf is my life smh" and came home and sat, staring at a wall for about 15 minutes just LOATHING my life.
ED SHEERAN.
jesus.
Better than jesus.

Apparently he wore a kurta and had an Indian Flag with him. Apparently he sang all the most beautiful songs and asked the crowd to do harmonies. Apparently he spent time with Bollywood celebrities after that. Apparently he loved Mumbai so much that he promised he'd come back.

Okay I'm just disappearing in regret now.
Anyway, if he does indeed come back then I'll DEF GO  FOR IT.
So yeah.

Also, fun fact! I started vlogging recently.
It's so much fun!!!
I do it on my phone camera so the quality is kind of crap, but still, it makes me really happy :)
I'm never gonna upload or in fact, show them to anyone ever, probs, but they're present as a reminder of who I was.... You know, memories and stuff :D

Okay short post today cuz I gotta go study geography and stuff but I promise I will update soon!!

THIS AWESOMENESS.

Is it just me or does the gradual disintegration effect remind you just a LEEETLE bit of that of Voldemort at the end of Deathly Hallows pt 2??? 

Sorry :p
Too many fandoms :)

Alvida,

Squish

Awww Kward

Hello there world:)

Recently, I've been faced with many everyday circumstances, but came off worst in them.
AKA, my awkwardness and pathetic people skills intervened and the situation spiraled down the drain.
So I thought, as a method of reflection, I would list these various moments out in no specific chronological sequence, just so that.... I could revel in my own social awkwardness.

My List of Recent Awkward Events

1. I got onto a bus that drops me off about half a kilometer from my home. However, when I realized this, I  still had the chance to get off and take another bus that would basically just drop at my doorstep. But because I had ALREADY bought the bleeding ticket, and was too awkward to actually get off my butt, I ended up waiting until this far-off bus stop and walking home in the heat. I actually quite like walking but that's NOT THE POINT. I failed miserably in a situation where about 96.74% people should be excelling. Ick.

2. Some random guy's earring fell off and I saw it happen. I was gonna tell him but he wasn't facing and I was too awkward to actually tap him on the shoulder and be like "Hey your earring departed from it's home and followed a parabolic path to the ground where it's now situated". However, while I was debating on what I should do, he took a step back, nearly crushing the stupid thing, and I made this involuntary shouting noise like "eeaahh". He turned around and just looked at me like I had completely lost it, and instead of saying "Your earring fell off" I said "Don't step back!" And he just kept looking at me in that same, slightly apprehensive fashion, when I spat out, "Your earring is on the ground behind you!" And then I ran away. Well, after being thanked by Random Guy. WHY. WHY CAN I NOT BE NORMAL.

3. I was standing in line at a bus stop and this random middle-aged female just came up from behind me and stood in front of me like it's the most normal thing in the world. Now, it's not truly such a big deal, but the fact that she showed not a HINT of remorse at having done so, just tipped the balance a little bit. I felt like I should at least make my stance more hostile so she can 'get the vibe'. So it was all going fine as I stared vengefully at her back until she suddenly turned around. Before I could wipe that stupid pseudo-angry look off my face, she saw me and I could actually see her eyes widen and she took a step back. When the bus finally arrived, she stepped out from ahead of me and joined the end of the line. That was technically, the point of the entire endeavor- to teach the lady some rules- but I can't help thinking that my vengeful face might be haunting her for a few days now.

4. I was at this restaurant with my parents and some family friends and the waiter poured water in our glasses from this transparent jar that had some random plant in it. I had two major concerns at that point. a) That plant had grown there because the restaurant was a messy dump ( not at all really) and b) If it was meant to be there then what was it? So when the guy came back, instead of asking him directly which plant it was, I kind of mumbled "What was the plant?" He looked so confused that I nearly cried. Then I asked him he actual question. I think he thought that I had some sort of a brain defect.

That's all I can think of now :)
I don't know if that's a good thing though :O :p

                                                      Dignity Successfully Destroyed.

Thank you Tumblr, for all the epic gifs :)
I feel much better now that I've written this post, and have seen some Dan and Phil awesomeness :)
Gotta go solve physics practice papers :'(
Ta.

Alvida,
Squish

PS: I don't know if I mentioned this earlier but I watched the IMITATION GAME. It was PHENOMENAL. I loved it. I'll talk about it next time!!! <3

Around the Sun in 365 Days

Phan Phan Phan Phan Phan

Hi?

I'm so sorry?

I don't even know what is appropriate in this circumstance.

I haven't blogged since 19th April, 2014.

It's unacceptable.

I'm really sorry!!!

I have no excuse. Well I kind of do, tenth standard has been a heck of year what with the truckload of tests, practicals, project submissions and marathon studying. It's been stressful but it's finally over.
In fact, my prelims (preliminary examinations) just came to their glorious end today! I have my final exams (ICSE Board Exams) starting in a little more than a month but I'm truthfully, not too stressed about them because
a) They're actually quite simple
b) I already have admission in college via scholarship
c) I'm so tired of this endless cycle of studying stupid shit

So I am now relaxing. Since I haven't blogged for almost a year, I think it wold be fitting for me to re-introduce myself and my life. I'll tell you all the things that have happened recently (since I can't remember all the way back to last April) and you can gather some sort of a vague idea of who I was, am and am in the process of developing into!
I'll list (I love listing) :)

1. Tenth standard was a hard year but I think I made some really great friends. I mean, they were already friends with me, but I think they're closer and I really enjoy hanging out with them. I was quite an introvert and still am, and nearly had a panic-attack the last time I had to go to the canteen to buy "roti" (Indian flat bread). However, I think I have made a small amount of progress with my fear of people and judgement. I am no longer as afraid of singing in front of large groups as I sang alone on a big stage at this inter-school competition. My fear of public-speaking might just have reduced a fraction. When it comes to grades, I kept them up and I'm really satisfied with how things are.

2. I have decided to pursue a career in medicine and am starting coaching from this upcoming April. I'm really excited to finally have great teachers teaching me my favorite sciences and I think even if college will be a grueling ordeal, I might actually enjoy it. I hope I can pluck up the courage to make some new friends and the tough schedule doesn't shatter my spirit into pitiful little crystals :D

3. Speaking of plucking up the courage, my best friend asked me out. But I never had feelings for him so I declined in a way that I initially thought was, for all intents and purposes, tactful. However later onward when the two of us looked back at how I had handled the situation, I couldn't have been more hopeless :( But now, after some awkwardness, we're back to being best friends, and he's dating one of my friends from school. I'm happy for them, truly:)

4. When it comes to dating, feelings and all mushy things, I have made no progress. But what would you expect from a girl in a single-sex school who harshly judges everyone based on fandom-choice, socio-political beliefs and general intelligence? Trust me, by this I don't mean to sound like some high-brow uncannily clever person. I just wish that there were more sensible, good-looking, single and compassionate boys about. Ummm also, I'm not "ek saw pratishat"  (100%) certain that I'm solely attracted to boys. There might have been a girl I liked from school but I'm not gonna go on about that because I'm not sure whether I just really liked her as a person or legit had a crush on her. I'm confused, you know?

5. We moved into a new apartment which is beautiful:) In my room, I had one of the walls painted a shade of golden (like Leslie's wall in Bridge To Terabethia) and it shines in the sunlight. (No obnoxious comparison to Edward freaking Cullen's Cutaneous Pyrotechnics please). I love the view, the extra space and the fact that my two closest childhood friends are in this building too. But at times I have these pangs of longing for my old home.

6. I read many many incredible books and talking about all the ones that had some sort of an impact on me will take way too long so maybe from now I'll try doing a few book reviews every now and then :) It'll be fun :)

7. The current state of events in the world, the liberal use of weaponry and the ever present hypocrisy and hatred really makes me feel helpless at times. I urge everyone to please go to https://www.change.org/  and sign as many petitions as possible! There are many other sites too where you can help in making a positive change just by pressing a button. PLEASE do this. It takes a pinch of compassion, humility and understanding to recognize the cries of help that we see all around us. sometimes, a simple subscription helps.

8. I have to go to a tenth-standard batch party today at this restaurant place. I don't know what we'll do there because parties are generally just a blur of dancing, meeting people and painfully loud music. The only stand-out is the great food. But if that sucks too, then, in my opinion, that party is a pile of horsecrap. So I hope I'm not voluntarily signing up for a terrible evening :/
You know what, I had this thought, about half an hour before midnight on 31st December when I was hanging out with a couple of my friends, that I should start being more positive and open to other and alternative ideas. I sometimes am so deeply submerged in worries of all the bad outcomes, that I forget to hope for the best. I need to change this awful habit.
Now. I will change it now. I will hope that this upcoming gathering is not going to be a complete failure and that I will actually end up having some fun because if I go there expecting the evening to crash and burn, there is a higher probability of it actually being that way than the alternative.

Voila! That's the moral for the day!

*sorry* Caffeine rush happening right now :p

Anyway, I better go and do something else now, as I've been sitting in front of the comp ever since I got home. I think I'll read some fanfictions :p Or this incredible story I'm reading on Wattpad.
Or I might call a friend and we could go for a walk while the golden rays of the sun activate all the Vitamin D and melanin in our skin.

*sorry* It's the caffeine talking!!

I solemnly swear that I will write more often from now on.
Mischief Managed.

Alvida,
Squish.

PS: That Phan-love in the beginning was to soften you up so that you hate me hust a little less for not writing for so long :) PSYCHHHHHH

"I think you should be the official stuff-namer"

"And now it seems to me, the beautiful uncut hair of graves"
                                                                   -Paper Towns                                                                  
Yes.
I made the punishable mistake of reading another John Green book.
And while I am thoroughly in love with it and Quentin, there is no going back on the fact that now I'm contemplating the reason of my existence and the worth of my problems.

For example, when Quentin breaks through the various metaphors used on basic human relationships and life, I can't help but think about being irreparably broken.
Or worse, living in a world where you believe that you are irreparably broken.

Or, even more thought-provoking than that, what if I imagine the people I know? What if I don't really know them? What if the expectations, the hopes, or just my imagination, has compiled together a fictional life for me, where I deal with these paper people, in a paper way?

What even is Realizing?
How do you know whether what you have "realized" even is the right thing to realize?
Is there even a right thing to realize? How do we differentiate between what we already know and what our mind develops? If reality was linked to realization, would we all be living differently? Or is reality made of flimsy paper thin fantasies that have encompassed our live in their desirable arms?

But what I really truly LOVED about the plot is the emphasis on human behavior.How Q, Ben, Radar, Lacey, Ruthie, Q's parents, Jase, Chuck and finally, Margo, are all just people.
And in the end, I think, there is no paper. All you can do is just look at it from the angle of whichever metaphor you pick, and dream out a life. Live just like you would think you're un-papered self would live. Then, look at how you are living. Compare the two. In the end I think these two will meet, even if for a moment. But they will meet. And when they do, you would probably realize that What is you reality, and what is your dream, and what the difference between the two is, can only be determined by you.

So I'm gonna take this book with me. I'm gonna go on living exactly how I'm living at present, because this story hasn't told me my life is sad or boring or in need of an adventure. It has simply told me that there are multiple facets and multiple metaphors, and if you're ready to accept that, you can flit in between them like a bird in paradise without getting hurt. So now whenever I feel that something I'm doing is an entirely "paper-act" I'll look again, just like how Quentin read Song of Myself so many times, and whether or not my perspective of that particularly odious task changes or not, I will have gained several views.
Then I can choose!!!!

But AFTER all this extreme philosophy has been worn down....
I'm gonna play metaphysical I-Spy with people.
Done.

Also I just have to commend John Green for making the book fan-freaking-funny-tastic. I have NEVER though that peeing into a beer bottle in a minivan could be made to sound this hilarious.
I mean  i literally had tears streaming down my face as I gasped for breath or for the moment when he would reveal the true Margo, I don't even know which one I was crying for, but whatever it was, it was FUNNY.
My gyad.

So I'm sorry I haven't written in more than a freaking month, but I've been busy okay???
Anyway, the summer vacations start in a couple of days, so I guess my ranting will be more frequent then :)
Speaking of emoticons, I got a new phone and it's pretty fantastic!!
But after the initial exhilaration of being on WhatsApp and playing Temple Run and Instagram and all that, I kind of had a moment of complete actualization where I identified the phone for what it truly was.
A gadget.
Just a damn gadget.
A fun gadget, but a gadget all the same.
So then after that moment of enlightenment, I now spend less time on it.

Also, I've had it with people telling me not to study so much because from studying so much I am benefiting. And it is my choice and I'm simply over being walked all over like an effing carpet because my decisions, motives and reasons are valid.

I AM A PROUD GEEK THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Alvida,
Squish

PS: OHMYGOODLORD DIVERGENT THE MOVIE WAS SPECTACULAR I THINK I HAVE THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON SHAILENE WOODLEY AND THEO JAMES. AS WELL AS THE REST OF THE CAST.
Praise the flaming bisexual in me.... :D

More about this next time okay??? :)<3<3

Let it go... LET IT GO :)

I just watched Frozen.

And tell you what????
It was BRILLIANT.

Finally, the woman did not have to be saved by a man's (okay her "true love's" ) kiss.... She saved herself with her own optimism, generosity and courage.
*good for you Anna!!!*

And Elsa isn't shown as some damsel in distress... Okay so she IS is in distress, but no man was needed to save her... Her own sister did!!

And the sisterly-love thing is adorable... Movies are so often centered about that pretty girl finding that handsome guy and after some dry etc, they have a great life and twenty babies... If someone actually had that life... Well great! I'm happy for whoever found their soul mate and managed to find the time to pop out a couple of babies while doing whatever it is that they do for a living...

But movies can't just be a normal life.... They generally have to have different feelings of love, bonding, sincerity, humor la la la and hence... putting in some strong women, strong men and a villain with all the bad qualities a villain should have, is actually a splendid idea.
Kids watch Disney movies and they should get the clear idea of how trickery, greed, rage, etc can all land us in pretty deep shit.
(That punch in the end was the best <3 )

And some people say, "Animated movies? Pah, stop being such a child..."

To you, my friend, I say, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR REASON TO LIVE.
Being a born cynic, pessimist and awkward person, I totally get what it is like to find something cheesy.
But then, there are times when I can flip that switch and appreciate the sweet, funny impossibly honest things that life has to offer....

Like Sven for instance... :)

Also, I'm Indian, hence Bollywood has seasoned me to learn and appreciate Cheesy Stuff.... :D
 Hindi Music Lovers!!!!: If you want something to dance on, listen to Nagade Sang Dhol, Gandi Baat,  Tu ne maari Entriyaan. Lat lag gayi and anything by Yo Yo Honey Singh :D
They may be lame, the lyrics may be BEYOND senseless, but the point is the beat, rhythm and tune... And those are completely undeniable :p <3

Also I'm am DYING to watch Two States, a movie based on the novel by Chetan Bhagat... I think it's gonna be epic :)

With that....
Alvida.

PS: I am soooo sorry I haven't written for like a month or something!!!
All I'm gonna say now, cuz I have to go for dinner is, I'm in the 10th and have a short break going on... Hence I am loaded with 8000 piles of homework and dying.
But hey!
Who wants to hear my complains... :)
Byeeee <3

In My Mind Palace

I might be developing a slight inferiority complex.

Maybe. Probably.

Whatever. 

It needs to stop. 

But I don't know how.

I keep doubting myself and feeling low. I don't like hanging out with people much anymore and my social anxiety thing is getting worse. Looking in the mirror isn't something I like doing much anymore. I do believe that I am beautiful, because everyone is beautiful, but I'm not able to see it clearly anymore. I'm not confident that I'm.... Good enough.

You may ask, good enough for what? Whom? 

My expectations? I don't know. I keep thinking... I have everything I have ever wanted. I have great parents, an exceedingly small but fun group of friends, my grades are great, I live in a lovely place and I'm not physically unwell in any way.... I'm allowed to pursue any dream I want to, really.... I can choose to be whatever I want and I have (had) the confidence to voice my opinion. 

I'm happy.

No doubt.

But there is this little bit of Sticky-tape a the back of my mind.... And when happiness comes near it, it gets stuck, trapped, and has a hard time getting back in the open. And the glue on the tape is getting stronger. 

I know it all sounds very dramatic, like in books or movies. But this is an analogy of the situation that I feel that I can accept. 

Of course, I know better than to start starving myself, or throwing up my food, or cutting or pursuing any acts of self-harm... Those won't get me anywhere. I am perfectly content with myself. Or am I.

I don't know!!!

It's so frustrating. 

M exams ended and I didn't do anything with my friends. The saddest thing is when I told them I couldn't make it, they didn't seem to give a damn. Maybe it's because my sudden lack of enthusiasm and self-hate is putting a gap between me and them, but wouldn't a true friend try to... Dunno, bridge the gap?

Wouldn't they want to make me understand that whatever happens, I am not worthless, not replaceable?

So I came home and watched Sherlock Season 3 Episode 2. Mind-blowing and happiness inducing though the successful physics exam and Benedict Cumberbatch's awesomeness was, that little bit of icky Sticky-tape was there, grabbing at my smile. It still is. 

I keep having little talks with myself. "You're not friend-less," "You're not obsessive," "You are not defined by what others think of you," la la la la

But they clearly don't work.

I don't want to talk to anyone.... Their advice is always the same. 

I'm so tired of..... I'm just tired. 

Literally. I'm sleepy.

Night folks :) 

Alvida,

Squish