An Update

Hello universe, it me, Squish

I don't know what exactly it is that made me want to write a blog post, but I'm just gonna roll with it, because the last time I wrote one, I was just starting off with university, and now I only have a year left before I complete my degree (yay!) .

So much has happened since then that I don't even think there's any real point in trying to remember and put it all in writing. But here is what's important:
I'm growing and becoming a person I like, I am in a stable relationship with an amazing guy, I have good friends and am doing pretty darn well academically as well. There are always all sorts of negative things bothering me of course, as they would any STEM student, struggling to make their way into the world of science and research, but what the heck right? I'm happy? Hell yeah!

Sometimes I'm not happy, in fact, I'm downright miserable, but that's just a part of the whole deal.
In the last 8+ months I have been injured quite a few times, and had to deal with some things differently to how I would have had liked, I've had to make some tough decisions that ultimately were the right ones, and I have also grown and become more understanding of others. Before, I feel like I may have been more rigid and incapable of accepting some changes in my life, but now, even if I'm not 100% just a super chill cool person, I feel like I have evolved.

This last paragraph was full of "I" and "me" and was all about my thoughts, my feelings, my life blah blah. But what the heck, it's my blog and I'll spam it with self-obsessed posts if I feel like it.

So yeah, I'm all good, it's crazy writing a post now, after 3 years almost, of inactivity.
But I'm hoping I'll try writing more in the future.

See ya,
Squish :)

Off To The Unknown

YOUR GIRL IS GOING TO UNIVERSITY

That's right.
I'm off to uni.

So I don't want to divulge too much about where and stuff, but I'm going to a really great engineering university (in India obviously) to study Biotechnology.

So as you know, I started off my junior college (high school) with the intention of pursuing a profession in the medical field. I had wanted to become a surgeon...
But over time I kind of realised that my interests were more just 'understanding cool concepts in biology' and 'application of biology in various research endeavors', than becoming a doctor.
Also, I heard that just doing an MBBS does not guarantee anything and the poor students are made to work like crazy before their PG entrances.
While getting a BTech (the degree I'm going for) is also no laughing feat and requires hours of lab-work, studying till you cry and projects... It won't be nearly as painful as medical.

Anyway enough technical talk (:

The scariest thing about this whole university thing however, is leaving home.
I have never lived away from home, without my parents, for more than 8-10 days or so.
In my 18 years of existence on this planet, I have never actually had to take care of myself completely independently. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do without my mum and dad.
Of course, I'm staying in a hostel with roommates, so we get food at the canteen and I won't truly be alone... But you know, it's kinda scary.

kinDA SCARY?
IT'S FREAKING TERRIFYING WTF

okay.
I'll calm down.

I'm going to be SO homesick. I can already feel it and I haven't even left home yet.
I'm leaving soon, though. *takes deep breath to stop self from imploding with anxiety*

Anyway, I have some packing and stuff to do now so I better go do that...
(I'm visiting the relatives for a few days before leaving)

I'll write a good post about more interesting things soon!
Sry this one was lame af :p

Alvida,
Squish


PS: Here's a cute pic of my OTP (Drarry= Draco & Harry, for all you heathens) for no specific reason other than to warm your heart and lighten your burdens by a fraction (:

Have a great day,
좋은 하루 보내새요,

Okay byeee ❤❤

UNLEARN

Unlearn: 

Gender roles
Sex may be defined anatomically but gender is in your mind. It is the identity that you embrace because of the chemistry of your brain. It is not something one can change and it is not something you can decide for someone else. So stop bringing up children with the idea that they have to somehow conform to these narrow roles of men and women laid down for them by a harsh society. Stop trying to squeeze them into a mould. Stop trying to orient your daughters towards dolls and sons towards sports. Stop smothering your children's potential before it can even begin to bud. There may be a ballet star hidden in your son who you wish would pursue something society labels as masculine. There could be a fierce fire of a debating champion roaring within your daughter who you coax into being subdued and quiet like all little girls should. Stop destroying the potentials and talents that could be the building blocks of tomorrow's society. Just stop. Please raise your children without any gender specifications and let them discover what they're comfortable with. Let them understand themselves... And for the love of god, stop believing in the existence of a gender binary. It never existed and it never will.

Internalised misogyny
The idea that women could hate women seems, at first, quite a strange supposition. But it's possible. Women have been berated and hated on for so long, that we end up finding ways to pull each other down instead binding together against men with fragile egos that are fueled by said misogyny. We need to stop holding banners proclaiming ourselves as feminists if we still slut shame and body shame other women on social media. We need to stop accepting the idea of a hateful mother-in-law and realise that while saas bhi kabhi bahu thi *, it's about bitching time she changed her attitude. Stop settling for situations just because you're a woman! You have every right to stand up to your husband's family members who treat you like crap, including his damn mom. You have every right to not want to have children. You have every right to have a more voracious sex drive than your male partner without feeling like there's something wrong with you. You have every right to dress up and have fun and pursue your dreams. And you have no right to tear other women down for doing any of these things. The whole "I'm not like other girls" mentality needs to be wholly revamped into "I'm not like other girls and other girls are not like other girls because we are all different and diversity is beautiful". If you want to bring down the patriarchy in an all consuming ball of flames, then it has to be while being shoulder to shoulder with that girl whose shorts are really short, that girl who has dated seven boys, that girl who got drunk at a party, that girl who posts too many selfies, that girl who can't speak good english, that girl with a loud laugh, that girl who doesn't shave her armpits, that girl who you've never met and most importantly, that girl in the mirror who you have such a hard time accepting because all her little special details are seen as flaws and somehow she has come to believe in that too. So women, stop hating each other, stop hating yourselves and band together to SMASH THE PATRIARCHY YAAAHHHHHH.

*Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi: This means the mother-in-law (saas) was also once a daughter-in-law (bahu) aka a woman newly wedded into her husband's family. It's talking about how the 'saas' was also once an innocent woman introduced into her husband's family, ready to please all the members and fit in. Then she was mistreated and eventually became hardened into the same 'saas' that she had once feared and had been forced to obey. 

I guess it's kind of a way of softening the way we perceive the harsh mother-in-law and bringing to light a reason behind her cruelty. But in my opinion, why are we not questioning the root of WHY she had to become like that? Why a woman being treated badly by her in-laws is such a normal event in Indian (and even other) societies? It's so normal that a vast majority of Hindi and Bengali (probably other vernacular serials too) are about that. Yes saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, but we need to change that! We can't just sit back and let so many woman be miserable after marriage due to the exploits of her mother-in-law. 

This is one of those things that we can't change with a movement. It's one of those things that change due to internal pressure. The wife needs to stand up for herself. Her husband should stop cowering like an idiot and stand up to his parents when they're being unjust. He married her so doesn't he want her to be happy in their married life? Why is he okay with his parents constantly interfering? Shows where women break through and make changes are emerging nowadays, which is good. Hopefully they can make some sort of impact. I know some Bengali dharavahiks (serials) that are quite progressive and it gives me hope. 

White concept of 'Asian'
For anybody who is not completely ignorant, China, Korea and Japan are not the only countries that constitute Asia. Asia consists of:

Afghanistan
Armenia
Azerbaijan
Bahrain
Bangladesh
Bhutan
Brunei
Cambodia
China
Cyprus
East Timor
Georgia
India
Indonesia
Israel
Iran
Iraq
Japan
Jordan
Kazakhstan
Kuwait
Kyrgyzstan
Laos
Lebanon
Malaysia
Maldives
Mongolia
Myanmar 
Nepal
Oman
Pakistan
Palestine
Philippines
Qatar
Russia
Saudi Arabia
Singapore
South Korea
Sri Lanka
Syria
Taiwan
Tajikistan
Thailand
Turkey
Turkmenistan
United Arab Emirates
Uzbekistan
Vietnam
Yemen

So please stop adhering to the "east Asia= Asia" concept created by racists in the west and realise that Asia, the most populous continent on the planet, actually is TREMENDOUSLY DIVERSE. We have so many different cultures and people, who are all so beautiful. We have dark people, light people, tall people and short people. Hairy people, thin people, fat people... i could go on forever. Stop forgetting (or intentionally excluding) a huge bulk of countries that are not highlighted by mainstream media and waKE UP. 
I find it especially and quite hilariously stupid when people don't consider India as a part of Asia. First, I pray thee to find thyself a map. Second, we are literally 30% of Asia (population wise) and 1/7th of the world's population. Where is your brain.
If you love kpop and anime that's fine (i do too haha) but the next time I hear "omg what I'm totally not racist I love Asians!!? Kpop is so lit! Kawaiii" I will slap you till East Timor and back.

Jingoism and Xenophobia
Loving your country is one thing. Hating other countries and cultures... It's not just wrong but also an anti-national act in itself. Think about it. You're hating other countries thus basically asking for soured relations and possible severing of ties with those countries which will ultimately affect your own beloved motherland in some way or the other. Ahem yeah Donald? Can ya take some notes maybe? You're making people hate America more than they already do with your  antics.
But I'm not just hear to trash the trump, I'll call out my own people too... For instance:  I see a lot of Indians (in YouTube comment sections) getting their nationalist fuse sparked by the slightest of things. If someone makes a video talking about how a governing body needs to improve in a certain area, there will always be some people relentlessly defending that body. Not to mention, the endless 'Go to Pakistan' insults that ultimately just get memed. We need to redefine nationalism along the lines of "Always looking for ways to improve one's country by accepting and analysing internal and external criticism". We need to stop having this heinous belief that by bringing down our neighbours, we can rise above them. Countries, borders, lines of control, demilitarised zones; these are all creations made by us and based on these divisions we forget the one most important thing: we all are, in fact, human beings. Militant nationalism is like two people standing in a marsh of quicksand and shooting at each other. What are you guys doing? Stop and help each other, you bellicose morons.
So yeah. We need to stop spreading overly nationalistic propaganda in younger generations by teaching them biased history and make them realise that wars have never had "winners".

Yep.

I have been accumulating this writing on my phone over time. I just wrote them randomly whenever I felt a rush of  "WHAT IS THIS WORLD" (mostly at 4 am lolol)

Thanks for reading till the end.

Ta 

Language Session

Happy Independence Day!

If you're wondering wtf I'm talking about, it's Independence Day here in India today (August 15)!
 On August 15, 1947, the first Brexit took place.
ohhhhhh
that reference thooooooough
sorry
*covers face*
I'm really lame

Basically, the british empire finally left India and so we commemorate today as Independence Day.

It's not something we celebrate like 4th of July with fireworks lighting up every inch of the sky and everybody getting drunk (that's how modern day TV and media have portrayed it to me so sorry if I'm a tad inaccurate). We have this big parade in New Delhi (our capital) and flags are raised everywhere at schools, colleges and different institutions while people sing the national anthem. But the main attraction is the public holiday I guess :D
Even my hell-college has given us a day of rest. (I have college on Sundays as well so it's actually a bit surprising they declared Aug 15 a holiday in the first place lmao). I got to sleep late and have a luxurious breakfast and generally just not absolutely hate everything about the universe this morning.
When I say sleep late, I mean I got up at 8:25.
I usually wake up at 6:15 on college days okay so this is BIG :D

Anyway, in the spirit of this holiday and desh-bhakti (patriotism) I'd write a post teaching you some stuff about Indian languages! Since I've recently been more fascinated than ever about languages, I'll attempt to teach you some important (and maybe even some slang *winks*) words in Hindi and Bengali (the two Indian languages I'm fluent in) for no particular reason

[NOTE:  no one reads this blog so this is just a place where I can talk to hypothetical readers about things that I would like to do, like teach someone language stuffs lmao I'm so alone]

Cool Stuff in Hindi (H) and Bengali (B)

Basics

1. My name is _________
H: Mera naam _______ hai.
B: Amaar naam _________.

2. What is your name?
H: Aapka naam kya hai?
B: Apnar naam ki?

3. It was great! (if someone asks you how somethings was)
H: Bauhot achha laga!
B: Khub bhaalo laglo!

4. Where can I catch a taxi?
H: Taxi kaha milegi?
B: Taxi kothaye dhorte pabo?

5. Is it spicy?
H: Teekha hai kya?
B: Eta ki jhaal?

6. How much is this?
H: Ye kitne ka hai?
B: Er daam koto? / E gulo koto kore? (for asking individual price of something from a group)

7. I'm feeling hot.
H: Garmi ho rahi hai.
B: Gorom lagchhe.

Okay so I know pronunciation isn't particularly easy if you don't have someone actually saying the phrases, but I tried my best to capture the sound in english! English is extremely limited when it comes to writing stuff from other languages phonetically. I thought I could write the phrases phonetically in korean so that if someone knew how to read hangul, they could follow the pronunciation a bit better. But since I have to use a web-keyboard, and no one actually reads this blog anyway, why put in the unnecessary effort. (sorry I sound so pessimistic but it's true you know haha :p )
Moving on to........ *drum roll*

SLANGS (I'll explain these a little too)
(remember to never use these for anyone other than people you are super close to. Never for anyone older than you, even if you're close friends. Also, if you're really seriously mad at someone, these words are not very effective as while they may be rude, they're not as strong as real curse words which I will not teach on my blog)

1. Stupid
H: Dhakkan
(So there are a lot of things one can say obviously, but this is my favourite. The words actually means 'lid' like the lid of a container. But it's used as a slang to call someone stupid)

B: Boka
(This is very common and it just means stupid, idiotic, someone with low skills)

2. OMG!
H: Arre baap re! ('Arre' itself is a very versatile word which is used by Indians in so many situations. It doesn't actually have a meaning but is very useful in expressing your emotions :p I think there's a Buzzfeed video about it's situational usage, go check it out :p )

B: Oh ma go!/ Hey bhogoban! ( You'll hear this a lot in Bengali serials. But more than these, there is this very typical sound that Bengali women tend to make when shocked that's very characteristic. I do it too lol)

3. This is rubbish.
A: Bilkul bakwaas hai.
(Bakwaas is an absolute favourite of almost everyone. It's used to describe something that doesn't work, not up to standards, kind of lame etc. Bilkul just means 'totally' or 'completely'

B: Akdom khaja/ akdom baaje
(Khaja means useless, inexperienced, but we use it a lot like bakwaas. Baaje means 'bad' and is used a lot too. Akdom means 'totally')

I would love to keep going for a while and teach some more, but I have to go clean my room and sort out a lot of stuff unfortunately.... :(
So seeya folks for now!

And if you actually read till the end (or just scrolled down lmao you sneaky rat), here's a bonus phrase in not 2 but 3 languages!

Eng: It looks kinda weird.../ I think it's a bit weird...
Kor: 좀 이상한 것 같아.... (Chom isaang han got gat-tha)
[informal phrase]
[note: idk official romanization rules of Korean language, this is just the most natural way to pronounce it]
H: Thoda ajeeb hai...
B: Ektu odbhut lagchhe...

Okay! That's it!
I love learning and sharing languages so much yayayay :)

Alvida,
안녕,
Squish.

PS: This was really really fun to write! Maybe I'll make a series out of this and teach different phrases from the languages I know every now and then :D Because what's the point of knowing it if you don't use it. I often count in Hindi and my friends are like... why? (cz we generally count in english and they don't know the numbers in hindi despite being able to speak hindi. In these situations I'm like, I know the numbers well, so why not use them? Whenever someone asks me what the time is, I tell it to them in english and then in my head, I repeat it in Korean, just for practice.
Omg. I'm gonna make a post about how to learn languages!!!!
YES.
Awesome.
I love how my own aimless babbling in the post script got me an idea for an upcoming post.
*shakes head*
chalo byeeee

Random Lame Post That You Can Avoid

Hi!
안녕하세요 여러분!

How's it going.. good? bad? not sure?
I'm in a weird mood where I want to write a post, but I'm not quite sure what I want to write about.
I just feel like writing...
So this post may be completely random and disorganized... Sorry in advance :)

I'll tell you about what's going on in my life quickly...
I recently had this really big test. Then directly after that, unit tests in college began. I am currently in the middle of them and am so DONE with everything and everyone. I also have this dance exam coming up on Sunday and I am hella nervous. Basically, I have too much stuff to be stressed about!!
But I think up till now, I've handled it relatively well... 화이팅

When it comes to what's going on in the world, I don't even know where to begin.
Horrible news pieces are splashed across the headlines everyday. The new channels constantly broadcast disturbing imagery of bomb blasts, shootouts, hostage situations, accidents and so on. It's so painful to see so much destruction and not be able to do a single thing about it.
When people say "be the change.." they mean it for smaller things and not for going out there physically and stopping people from inflicting violence upon others.

I am increasingly getting more and more annoyed with some trends in internet culture nowadays which I want to talk about. But that requires an entirely separate blog post for itself. There are just some things I see people, young and old (by old I mean in their early twenties lmao) follow. I need to rant about them. But right now my mind is way too confused and in a flurry to actually right things in a logical order.

I started watching a K-Drama called Doctors and I was getting really into it but now I can't find the remaining episodes. And whenever I go to the well-known K-Drama streaming websites, they say 'not available in you country' and I'm like bish whyyyyy. Ugh. I seriously want to know what happens next. But I'm glad this same thing didn't happen while I was watching 태양의 후예 (Descendants of the Sun) because then I seriously might have murdered someone.

Okay. Turns out there wasn't anything particular I wanted to write about.
Ick this post is such trash.
Sorry :/

But hey, no one reads this blog anyway so I'll do what I want.

I gotta go now... I have to go to college in a bit for my Physics unit test :((((

Alvida,
안녕,

Squish

제일 좋아하는 케이펍그룹: 방탄소년단 (my favourite Kpop group)

Wow! New post so soon? What happened?

I have some time right now and since I shifted my focus to research instead of medical, I've been breathing a little easier, not because it's going to be a simple feat to get into any of the research-oriented colleges but because it feels like a load off my chest to finally have made the decision to drop medical... :)
So now I allow myself to spend a bit more time on things other than studying.
It's not like when I still wanted to do medical I didn't do other things at all, but then, it was a sad, guilt-ridden affair. Now, if I say "Okay, I'm gonna listen to some music and write a blog post for the next hour" then I do without thinking too much about the studies I could be completing in that time.

YES I remember the sneak preview I gave last time of this time's post.
So without any further ado....

방탄소년단 항상 사랑한다!!

Yep. I love BTS.
They are by far my favorite kpop group for many reasons:-

1. They are so close! They are more like a family than anything else and have always had each other's back, right from their trainee days. I love the amount of respect the 막내 (younger) line has for their 형 (older) line and at the same time they're not afraid to express their feelings.

2. They are so talented! I'll talk about this individually for each member as well but as a team, they are SO talented.

3. Their song lyrics are incredible! Many of their songs are extremely relevant to the youth, have really beautiful lyrics and are super catchy. Other songs are just fun to jam to and the choruses are fun to sing. (because the raps are too damn fast haha)

4. Their personalities are so diverse and they're all crazy in their own way which I love. They have their quirks, strange talents and catchphrases (infires ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ) and once you know more about them, you somewhat feel a lot closer to them, as if you are in on their inside jokes.

5. They love their fans. They are always thinking about how to make a good performance, involve the audience, make it entertaining; and last but definitely not least, they practice SO MUCH. They work really hard on their choreography and are always pledging to work harder. While one may say, "obviously they have to love their fans... Without the fans, they wouldn't be so famous!" Yes, but it's a common occurrence for idols to become famous and get airs about it. BTS have remained ever so humble about their fame.

6. They're all so pretty ahhhhhh

Okay I could go on for a while but I'll talk about the members individually now... :)
Let's go age wise shall we? (oldest to youngest)

1. 김석진 (Jin)
 
Jin, is truly the mom of the group. This however is not a derogatory profiling. He is caring and always takes care of the younger members. (I love 엄마 진 and 정국이 's relationship... Especially in the new Eat Jin which was both hilarious and awkward at the same time ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ) His love of food is unbeatably adorable and makes me happy because eating is one my favorite things to do haha :p He is the visual of the group (not wrongly so) and is so cute and fluffy :p
A lot of people brush over this, but Jin has an amazing voice! In my opinion, his voice is more suited to softer melodies and ballads. If you listen to the live version of I Need You (I'm not sure where it was... It was some radio broadcast that BTS did) and his cover of 난 너를 사랑해 and 엄마, it's obvious that Jin has a soft voice that's brimming with emotion.
I also love his awkwardness ^^
2. 민윤기 (Suga)

Suga is the coolest and I absolutely love how he is 900% done with everybody, 900% of the time :D
I love the weird things he says, how he can literally sleep anytime, anywhere and his devotion to the Army. He is ridiculously hard-working. He spends a lot of his time composing songs, writing lyrics, thinking of melodies and working with Rapmon. He helps produce many of their songs and that is actually quite unique because many groups have other people write their songs for them don't participate in production at all. He's very creative and actually wants to get through to people with his lyrics.

3. 정호석 (J-Hope)

Hobiieeee ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ He is an actual ray of sunshine :D He is the hyper, funny and loud member or BTS who's not afraid to express himself. Of course, he's not carefree all the time and can be serious and sincere too. I love that side of him too because it clearly reflects that he is older and loves what he does. He is so passionate about dance and is freaking FANTASTIC at dance. All his solos ever and practice sessions are SO good. Even though he was not originally a rapper, he kills that role too<3  I am completely in love with his rap part in Save Me. His voice is so deep and there is so much fluidity in how he raps. I also love how excited he (and Suga) was in Satoori Rap. Go J-Hoooooorse

4. 김남준 (Rapmon)

Where do I start with this dude's talent? Let's start by saying that he fulfills his role as leader very very efficiently. He is tactful, chill (about his crazy younger members) and good at representing them overall. He, like Suga, spends a lot of time writing raps and trying to get a message out through his lyrics (which are great). He is SO hardworking AGH. He managed to learn english for god's sake and is now almost fluent! Initially, in his trainee days, he was not a dancer. He didn't like dancing much and was not good at it all. But after (obviously) hours and hours of practice he freaking ROCKS the difficult choreos. Apart from all this, he is really smart (becomes obvious even you watch half an episode of Problematic Men tbh haha), raps like an actual god and can sing too (listen to 알아요 by him and kookie). I also love his pervert moments 변태 변태 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

5. 박지민 (Jimin)

"Jimin, you go not jams"
Ahem I beg differ dear sir, but Jimin has ALL THE JAMS :p He is such a fantastic dancer. His high notes while singing are on point and his inability to do aegyo is so endearing. His personality is like that of the mischievous cousin who will come over to your house and hide your socks. He loves to fool around and bug the older members and it's really cute. I also love how he relentlessly tries to cheer up kookie whenever he feels down. I love his little monologues in Busan Satoori and uncontrollable laughter agh drool. He practices like a maniac so that he doesn't make mistakes in performances. He seriously slays all their choreos :O I also love his and Hobi's Yaja time dialogues and how in the end, he will always apologize and respect his hyung:)
 100% 잼들이 다 있습니다 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

6. 김태형 (V)

Our V from the star planet. (Btw I know that he doesn't like that, but he ain't gonna read this)
Before saying anything else, let me just mention that this guy has the MOST SOULFUL VOICE EVER. His voice has some absolutely insane kind of magic in it. It's deep and  fulfilling and makes me want to lie on the floor and contemplate my existence. When he sang 아나줘 with Hobi, I nearly did that tbh :p Even though he is not a part of the 'dance line' he is pretty fabulous at random dance and he should totally be counted as a part of it. He's so good at Japanese wow. Also his love of 노래방 (karaoke) is so cute. He can rap too wtf. He adores kids and dogs and does weird awkward things ahhh I can't. I love how all the members are totally cool with him being weird (like blowing out the candle too early in the recent Eat Jin hahaha). Lastly, his effin bromance with kookie!!!!! *dies* my little gay heart can't deal with it you understand ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

7. 전정국 (Jungkook)


















He is the craziest, most multi-talented 막내 (youngest) ever. He slays dancing, singing, rapping, drawing, acting, sports (holy eff is he strong and so freaking fast) and being weird. People joke about how he sucks at math and english and stuff, but in my opinion, if he was actually focused on academics, he would perform well. He just has that competitive, conquer-all attitude. (Btw I'm not saying it's necessary for everyone to excel in academics, I'm just defending this child's abilities okay haha). He's that quiet kid that is actually really weird (in a good way). I love his song covers and karaoke sessions so much, ugh his voice is a gift to humanity. There's so much one can say about this boy; from him teasing his hyungs but ultimately always being respectful and caring to being scared of girls ㅋㅋㅋㅋ. He's so caring! I have a ridiculous amount of affection built up for this dude.

And that's it!
Man that took a lot of time.
I had to use a Korean web-keyboard and copy paste my sentences :)
I hope this fangirling was accurate :p
I really liked doing this though! :) I've never written such a long post entirely devoted to a band, group etc. It was fun scouring my mind for ways to express how much I admire this group :)

Crap it's so late! I gotta go eat lunch...

Alvida,
안녕,
Squish.

of new interests and plans

It's kind of worrying that the last time I wrote a blog post, it was christmas. last year.
It's not christmas 2015 anymore.
In fact it's not 2015 anymore either.
So happy new year?

I'm sorry *inserts slo-mo gif of me being crushed by the burden of studying and the Indian education system so that you forgive my complete absence*  

Anyway, so I want to jump in and a give a quick update, before I go into other things:

So you know how I was very passionate about becoming a surgeon? I was completely set on the idea of going to medical college. However, recently, this entire idea kind of changed.
I am still very interested in biology and find human health and diseases fascinating. But not fascinating enough to make it my profession. I feel like treating real people and having a 24 hr job is not really my cup of chai (tea). And the medical field, barring the occasional excitement, doesn't altogether sound that exciting anymore? I don't know why this change took place in me, but now I am focusing on research more than medicine. I don't know what kind of research, but most probably in some field of biology. I love knowing one particular thing in a great deal of  detail and knowing everything there is to know about a particular thing, so research is right up my lane.

I love the idea of becoming an experimental researcher and working in a lab. I know that life is not going to be some sort of dream with new things to discover and insane scientific breakthroughs everyday, but I feel that it will probably be more suited to how I like to live and my interests. By that I mean that I'll get a lot more time to do the things I like, outside of science, like music, dance, language studies, reading, writing, art blah blah blah

Okay! So that's that haha

Now other cooler things.................. ;)

I got a lot more into kpop!
Before, I was a lowkey fan, listening to some songs here and there, not really caring that much about the band members and more focused on just exploring a different type of  music.
But I began watching a few interviews around mid last year, and next thing you know, I'm a HIGH KEY FAN. Okay no haha not saesang or anything :D
But I really like certain groups about whom I'll gush later :p

I had always liked how the Korean language sounded. I liked the speed of speech (sometimes a bit overwhelmingly fast) and I liked the few Korean words I knew at the time. I had also read that the Korean language was one of the most well-structured languages with a completely phonetic script (which I also liked the look of :p)
So I decided to give learning a bit. Just some basic conversational stuff and some other kpop-related words to start with.
I started off learning how to read Korean and believe it or not, I managed to pick it up in 2 days.
DISCLAIMER: This is not me boasting about my fantastic skills at language, but in fact marveling at the logical and beautifully crafted Korean script. It seriously so much fun

Obviously, at the start I was reading very slowly and sounding out words like a one-year-old. But as time passed I learned more words and grammar points and became a lot faster at reading with practice.
Now I don't know how but I managed to pick up quite a lot of Korean and now can understand quite a bit! I sometimes even turn the subtitles off on some interview videos and stuff and listen hard and often understand the context of what they're saying!  It's so exciting! I love learning this language so much it makes me want to explode :D

I wish I could devote more time to it (I can only give a bit of time per week because of all the study pressure) because I feel like with more time, I could get a hang of it!
And when it comes to pronunciation and speaking, it's actually not that hard for me because  I already speak two Indian languages (Hindi and Bengali) and am used to a lot of the consonant and vowel sounds in Korean (and with correct enunciation, "reul" will come eventually too hehe). Knowing Hindi is especially helpful as it has a very wide range of sounds and has a similar grammatical sentence structure to Korean. So when I try forming correct sentences in Korean, sometimes I think of it in Hindi first :D

It would be very wrong of me to not credit the people who are helping me study Korean and that's Talk To Me In Korean.com !! (I love them so much)
They post videos on YouTube and have a site with pdfs and so many other helpful things. They also have a store where one can purchase text books but unfortunately, I haven't been able to buy anything as of now... Maybe some day :)

I know that actually being fluent in a language while learning from the internet is virtually impossible, but I believe that by listening and practicing a lot, I can get faster at it and improve my vocabulary.

I'm really proud of the progress that I've made in the short time I've been learning and I hope that when I go to Korea on vacation (after entrance exam season next year, I am going FOR SURE), I will be a lot better at conversation and comprehension.
I'm super excited about my language journey and once I'm out of this competitive-exam whirlpool, I'll definitely spend a lot of time on language-learning.

Oh heck I've babbled a lot today... :)
Okay, I have to go now

But before I go I'll give a picture-hint of the topic of next time's blog post....

Alvida,
Annyeong,

Squish.










                                        

ANIME ANIME ANIME

Hi!

Quick update: Today I had this state level test thingy... And I'm so glad it's over!

I came home and watched Howl's Moving Castle for the millionth time, then watched some Deathnote episodes, then browsed through some yaoi on Tumblr (don't judge) 

Then I reminisced to my dad on the phone about the time when I used to watch Naruto and Pokemon. 

Basically, I had a very anime evening

So here's a spam of shots from Howl's and Deathnote because they are my absolute favourites.

Aww <3<3

Guys with earrings amirite

The sassiest nan ever tbh

and THIS GUY ^-^

Now the deathnote spam

This'll be shorter cuz I have to go sleep

I have college at 7:30 tomorrow for which I have to get up at 6:20 for :(((

I like how when there is all this delicious drama happening, Ryuk is 

is just chilling, laughing and eating apples (you can't get much cooler)

I SHIP IT YO

Awwww 

(he's gonna get diabetic real fast)

Okay crap it's getting very late, I'm tired af

Byeeeee

Alvida,

Squish 

of Positives & Pictures

HI
I am currently in high spirits.

Life is filled with tests and I have to study for 5 hours a day.
I also don't get weekends.
There is a massive ton of pressure pouring in from everywhere.
It feels my future depends on every breath I take.
It's pretty crazy, to say the least.

However, I'm not here to complain.
Because I chose this.
Sure, I didn't know exactly HOW hectic it was going to turn out to be, so every now and then I can have melt downs (unavoidable tbh)
But I'm trying to look at the positives here.

Positives:

1. I am up to date with all my studying

2. I have great friends in college.

3. I have a very close friend in college.

4. I bought cool earrings on the train.

5. I am doing really well in class.

6. I got new fandom merch.

aaaaaaand.........



I ORDERED THE AMAZING BOOK IS NOT ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wheeeeeeee

If you don't know what the eff that is (shame on you) , it is the summary of Dan and Phil and everything they stand for and have done and stuff, carefully crafted (don't cry) into a book.
AND I ORDERED IT.
ohhh yes.

It cost a HELL of a lot, but I had some saved up cash and it's freaking DAN AND PHIL.
Nnnnnngggg

I'm so excited.
I have no idea when it'll turn up, what with it having to turn up from he UK to India and all....
But eventually some day, it shall arrive.
Yea

Anyway, I better go for dinner now or my mum will get pissed.
Ta

Alvida,
Squish


PS: Just to show my love and appreciation for those two dorks, here's a little spam of their pretty faces:
    I love them so much wtf   Phil jesus christ you're allergic  AGH why do you do this

Anyway, that's it for now
Sorry the post wasn't too amazing
I'm just in a bit of a hurry
And in a really good mood so I'm too jumpy to sit down and think properly
No srs bsns right now
YEa

Laughing In Retrospect

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay what the actual HELL was my last post??!!!

I sounded like some screwed up, failed writer having a crisis and angsting about it online to people who don't give two shits.

Or worse, some moronic, weepy complainer who has nothing better to do than compose melancholy speeches on her silly little first-world problems.

I am truly sorry for putting you through that horrible piece of writing. But I won't delete it as I want it to remain as an example of what one should definitely NOT write in a blog post.

Side Note: I am still sad about college (I don't like it at all). I am still stressed about studies (there's a crap load of it). I am still insecure about stuff (who isn't) and I still am a 16-year-old girl with problems that are important to her (as they should be)
My problems are important, yes, but I need to stop going on and on and on about them because then, I'm squashing the time in which I could do something to improve. I'm simply spending too much time loathing how things are to actuaLLY GET THE EFF UP AND STOP BEING A WUSS.

So on that motivating note, I shall depart.
Again, my apologies for my previous shitstorm of a post. Hopefully, that won't happen again :P

Suggestions:

Book: Since I haven't read a new book in a while (I've been busy af), I'm gonna say, re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and admire the sass master that Ginny is. I honestly never reeaally loved Ginny that much but I always liked her badass, I-can-do-it-just-as-well-as-you spirit.

Songs: Fight Song (Rachel Platten)
            Cruel To Be Kind- Letters to Cleo
            Firefly- Ed Sheeran
            From Eden- Hozier

Movie: Ramdhanu (It's a Bengali film. It's really lovely and funny and has a nice message. Watch it with subtitles)

YouTube: Lean On and Jind Mahi Mashup- VidyaVox (it's an epic blend of sounds)
                 Blank Space and Jealous Acoustic Mashup- Megan Davies (I now have girl crushes on them)
                 Gay Guy Calls Westboro Baptist Church- Riyadh K (Really funny)
                 The Cheese Challenge- AmazingPhil
                 Why are Girls So Confusing And Complicated?- OnisionSpeaks

Other- Fanfiction. That's all I can say. Read tons and tons of fanfiction. Tumblr, fanfiction.net, deviantart, Wattpad, archiveofourown, you name it. Explore. Find your mild kinks. Fluff. Smut. Drabble. A/U. Delve into the deep dark sex-crazed part of your mind and indulge it with fantastic visuals of your favourite characters etc doing unspeakable things to each other.

Okay. Wow. I may have just let a bit too much emotion spill out into that last bit :P
Sorry.
Just, when everything from college and all is so heavy and tiring, reading fanfiction is a great luxury :D

Alvida,
Squish

Turmoil

Okay.

So there is something I haven't really addressed on this blog much and that is- I'm going through the I'm-16-and-depressed thing. Yeah.

So.

I'm 16 years old.

And I'm depressed a lot of the time.

See, happiness is a very fleeting state of mind. It's so freaking transient that you start regretting feeling it in the first place, because, what's the point, it's gonna end anyway.

Before I start telling you more about how I feel and all that, I'd just like to say that this is most definitely not me saying silly things like "I hate my life" because honestly. I don't.

I have incredible parents, a great house, a few loyal and loving friends, a fabulous best friend, some awesome relatives and everything I could possibly want. This is more of a psychological thing okay?

I'm not denouncing all I have achieved. I am truly grateful for how lucky I am to be born to such open-minded people and in a fully functional body. 

Now that that disclaimer is done with, I'll move on to the actual shiz.

I have these mood swings. I start off the day with a smile and a conquer-all attitude but as some time passes, my shoulders droop and my entire euphoria just... Dissolves. This happens all the time. Pleased. Disappointed. Proud. Regretful. Ecstatic. Fed up. Amused. Annoyed. 

It's just this odious cycle of opposing emotions that drive me completely insane.

And these wonderful feelings are accompanied by their closest companion- Doubt.

Doubt is honestly the most revolting thing in the world. I HATE feeling doubtful.

I doubt myself, my ambitions, capabilities, choices, other people etc etc and it simply compounds the depression. 

For instance, I constantly doubt whether I made the right choice by signing up for medical coaching classes. I doubt whether I truly want to be a doctor. I doubt whether anybody actually likes me at my college. I doubt whether I'll be able to keep up my, up till now, good grades in class and it goes on and on and on.

I am drowning in uncertainty.

At one instant, I'm laughing with my friends feeling carefree, or grinning while I read a book, and the next instant, this unfriendly, cold negativity has just settled in on a nice little spot in my head. It makes me see things less brightly, like it's seeping out the colour around me and replacing it with my anxiety and unresolved fears. 

I may sound all dramatic and bookish right now, but that's the best way I can describe it. 

And yes, I KNOW that this too will pass but I'm gonna have to deal with it in the present and I don't know how. I'm ceaselessly trying to find ways to keep me happy but I'm running out. I read good books but my depression steps in when I'm halfway through with a "You should be studying". I go out with my friends but depression slides in with a clever "Your friends will never be as stressed as you". I study but depression retaliates with an almighty "You're never going to be good enough". 

And I'm sick of it.

I thought that this month of holiday I got might change things. It might be that breathing-break I was craving. It might pull me back to reality and make me study without feeling a load of despondency on my back. It didn't. Nothing changed and I'm feeling worthless again.

And I KNOW I'm not worthless.

I know I'm not stupid. I know I'll never end up making a ridiculous and rash decision in a flurry of rage. I know I'll never develop a seriously bad habit like smoking. 

But when Doubt crashes into you like a tidal wave, you can only watch as it scatters the broken remains of your self-confidence across the sand. 

Wow. I'm so depressed, I'm even writing like some sad, sad scholar. 

I really didn't want this post to be so wretched and gloomy but what do.

I mean, I do need an outlet for my crazy mixed-up brain. 

I originally wanted this post to be about Dan and Phil and how much I love them. I wanted to write sweet, honest truths about how just watching their videos for the last four years has changed me for the better in so many ways. I wanted to gush about how brilliant and creative they are, and discuss the Phandom and its flaws, in detail. 

But then I got into this dismal mood. 

Anyway. this is how I feel currently. I usually also give some sage advice at the end of my posts but this time, I have none, as I myself am flailing helplessly, trying to make the smiles last for longer.

Except maybe, watch Dan and Phil. Or take solace in the Internet.

Suggestions: 

Book: The Sky is Everywhere (Jandy Nelson)

           Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets of the Universe (Benjamin Alire Sáenz)

           Fangirl (Rainbow Rowell) 

Song: Mercy (Muse)

          Open Your Eyes (Snow Patrol)

          Oblivion (Bastille)

          Breathe Me (Sia)

          Work Song (Hozier)

          Numb (Sam Brookes)

          Centuries (Fallout Boy)

Movie: PK (It's a Hindi film. Even if you don't know Hindi, trust me it's excellent. Watch it with subtitles)

Youtube: Music Video Sins (they're really funny) 

                danisnotonfirevyou1 (because who doesn't need phan updates in their life)

Okay, that's it (:

I'd better go study now as I'm going for a piano concert later.

I'm actually feeling a bit better after writing this.

Thank you Internet.

Alvida,

Squish.

How To Make Friends in College (Geek Edition)

Hiyoooohh!!

Long story short:
1. Boards got over.
2. I went to the Andaman and Nicobar Islands with the fam for a vacation.
3. Chilled with friends.
4. Started college today.

Did you read the 4th point and go, wait WHAT??
Well, it's true!
I started Junior College today.

My choice subjects are Physics, Chemistry, Zoology, Botany, Information Technology and Math/Psychology (I haven't made a choice yet, but it's probs gonna be maths)
My compulsory subjects are English, Environmental Studies and Physical Education. (lol srsly idek wtf)

We had two, three-hour lectures today and I really enjoyed the Zoology lecture. Physics was okay, I guess, but our professor seemed a bit out of it and I became really drowsy towards the end :D
However, I did comprehend most of what he was saying :p

I guess the highlight of today however is the Mingling.
So as you know, I'm an extremely awkward and shy person. Being dropped into a crowd of COMPLETELY UNKNOWN PEOPLE, is my Nightmare.
So I was really really worried about being that weird freaky kid who doesn't talk to anyone.

However....
I managed to muster the courage to introduce myself to and talk to the girl I was sharing a bench with, and another girl behind me. They both seemed very nice :)
Now I had worn my Deathly Hallows pendant to college in the hopes that someone would see it and identify themselves to me as a fellow fangirl.
And to my intense satisfaction (and relief), a slightly crazy (but sweet) girl came up to me during our break between lectures and introduced herself as a Potterhead. I also spoke to another girl next to her and we instantly hit it off. So I moved to sit next to them for our second lecture and I felt really happy and warm and accepted.

The thing is. If it hadn't been for the necklace, I might not have ended up speaking to these two and would have continued to remain slightly cut off from the others.

The point isn't the material necklace, but what it represents: COMMON INTERESTS.

So my advice for today (applicable in every situation I feel) is to talk and develop conversations and friendly relations based on Common Interests.

Because fangirling gets you far in life.

OH YES IT DOES.

So I have college tomorrow, and the day after that and then after that. But I feel that over time, the nerves that accompany me through the doors into our classroom will slowly fade and I'll get closer to the other people in my batch.
Seriously though, we have a long, hard journey ahead into the Medical Stream and we need to stick together for that. I saw how our seniors (they're all slightly mental) were a tight-knit group and I hope the same thing happens to us:)

SUGGESTIONS!!!!!!! (I haven't done this in ages sorry :p )

YouTube: Hannah Hart (biggest crush on her since forever. Also, dat hairstyle tho)
Songs: If you want to cry, re-listen to Light Behind Your Eyes and The World Is Ugly by MCR
Books: The Cuckoo's Calling by JK Rowling writing under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith
Movies: I literally haven't watched one in ages oh god
Other: gah just go on Tumblr I'm too tired to think ;)

Alvida,
Squish

PS: Amazingphil's new Easter Baking (well, melting and then chilling) video was soooo adorable and had all the right Phan Pheels :D I'm not some manic shipper or anything, but I definitely think they'd be ridiculously cute together :) Also Dan's bunny suit is such a vast bag of Nope that you should def not miss out on :D :p
So go check that out too!!! <3

Women 24x7

It's just another day today.
Well, it's International Women's Day.
Which is a day like any other.

I know I'm definitely not the first person saying that this specific day should not be that ONE day when people try to comprehend the worth and importance of women but instead they should respect us every single day.

Everyday should be an International "We're All Equal" Day, where we rejoice our existence and work for a better today and tomorrow.
Everyday should be an International "Much Unity, Very Love" Day where we support each other, no matter what caste, creed, gender, sexual orientation, colour, race, economic background, social status etc etc etc they identify with.

Because IDENTITY in itself, is a very important word. It is something that should have broad horizons and a timeless understanding. One should be able to be who they want, without fear or bias. If you're a woman, you don't have to be delicate, gentle, quiet, empathetic or motherly. If you're a man, you don't have to be strong, fearless or less sensitive.
If you are, good for you!
If you aren't, good for you!
There is no criteria you need to fulfill, to exist as a free, independent human being with an identity completely unique to you.

Of course, this doesn't mean one can commit crimes, hurt others, destruct peace and then sing "Baby I Was Born This Way".
No.
You were not born that way.
Your circumstances and choices and other influences made you that way.
And then if you do something wrong, it's not freaking God's will or Society's will, it's your will.
And sometimes, you're wrong.
So I guess you should try your best to move along the path that is right. (And common sense dictates which one that is, I believe)

I originally wanted to talk about India's Daughter, where I'd rant about the heinous statements made by the defense lawyers of the rapists, disgusting sexist comments of various people of authority, public outcry, the BBC Documentary etc.
But somehow, the idea of contaminating the post with the hatred and disgust I feel towards these ministers, lawyers, police inspectors etc etc seemed like something I just didn't want to do.
I just want this post to be about equality, compassion and protection of all humans from ignorance and injustice and not another reminder of the wrongs that have been committed.

So I have to go now, as I have my final math paper tomorrow.
But I'd like to conclude this post by saying that:

I hope that this Women's Day helps, even if it's just a little bit, towards promoting love and respect towards women because seriously, it's 2015, and anyone who feels that women are not worthy of all that, is probably MASSIVELY mislead or IMMENSELY stupid.
Or both.
Yeah.

Quote Time!!!

Alvida,

Squish.

Bored of Boards

Hello World!!
I really wanted to say that I went to hell and back, but I'm still in hell so I guess that phrase isn't particularly applicable here:)
The hell I am referencing here is in fact my ICSE BOARD EXAMS.
These are the board exams that a student gives after completing tenth standard. There are various different boards (systems), but I study under the ICSE. Which is a ton of trash.

Either way, those *ahem* lovely things are going on right now and I have 6 exams left (well 5.5 really since one of them is Art). I had HistoryCiv today and I think it went pretty well. Yesterday, after a full day of studying, I was completely worn out and sad. I was also feeling really awful about missing the Ed Sheeran concert that was at Mahalaxmi Racecourse only this Sunday. I met up with some friends yesterday and all they did was talk about it and I just had to listen to them blabber on an on about how great is was and how sad it is that it actually had to end at some point. I just stood there like "srsly dude idek wtf is my life smh" and came home and sat, staring at a wall for about 15 minutes just LOATHING my life.
ED SHEERAN.
jesus.
Better than jesus.

Apparently he wore a kurta and had an Indian Flag with him. Apparently he sang all the most beautiful songs and asked the crowd to do harmonies. Apparently he spent time with Bollywood celebrities after that. Apparently he loved Mumbai so much that he promised he'd come back.

Okay I'm just disappearing in regret now.
Anyway, if he does indeed come back then I'll DEF GO  FOR IT.
So yeah.

Also, fun fact! I started vlogging recently.
It's so much fun!!!
I do it on my phone camera so the quality is kind of crap, but still, it makes me really happy :)
I'm never gonna upload or in fact, show them to anyone ever, probs, but they're present as a reminder of who I was.... You know, memories and stuff :D

Okay short post today cuz I gotta go study geography and stuff but I promise I will update soon!!

THIS AWESOMENESS.

Is it just me or does the gradual disintegration effect remind you just a LEEETLE bit of that of Voldemort at the end of Deathly Hallows pt 2??? 

Sorry :p
Too many fandoms :)

Alvida,

Squish

Awww Kward

Hello there world:)

Recently, I've been faced with many everyday circumstances, but came off worst in them.
AKA, my awkwardness and pathetic people skills intervened and the situation spiraled down the drain.
So I thought, as a method of reflection, I would list these various moments out in no specific chronological sequence, just so that.... I could revel in my own social awkwardness.

My List of Recent Awkward Events

1. I got onto a bus that drops me off about half a kilometer from my home. However, when I realized this, I  still had the chance to get off and take another bus that would basically just drop at my doorstep. But because I had ALREADY bought the bleeding ticket, and was too awkward to actually get off my butt, I ended up waiting until this far-off bus stop and walking home in the heat. I actually quite like walking but that's NOT THE POINT. I failed miserably in a situation where about 96.74% people should be excelling. Ick.

2. Some random guy's earring fell off and I saw it happen. I was gonna tell him but he wasn't facing and I was too awkward to actually tap him on the shoulder and be like "Hey your earring departed from it's home and followed a parabolic path to the ground where it's now situated". However, while I was debating on what I should do, he took a step back, nearly crushing the stupid thing, and I made this involuntary shouting noise like "eeaahh". He turned around and just looked at me like I had completely lost it, and instead of saying "Your earring fell off" I said "Don't step back!" And he just kept looking at me in that same, slightly apprehensive fashion, when I spat out, "Your earring is on the ground behind you!" And then I ran away. Well, after being thanked by Random Guy. WHY. WHY CAN I NOT BE NORMAL.

3. I was standing in line at a bus stop and this random middle-aged female just came up from behind me and stood in front of me like it's the most normal thing in the world. Now, it's not truly such a big deal, but the fact that she showed not a HINT of remorse at having done so, just tipped the balance a little bit. I felt like I should at least make my stance more hostile so she can 'get the vibe'. So it was all going fine as I stared vengefully at her back until she suddenly turned around. Before I could wipe that stupid pseudo-angry look off my face, she saw me and I could actually see her eyes widen and she took a step back. When the bus finally arrived, she stepped out from ahead of me and joined the end of the line. That was technically, the point of the entire endeavor- to teach the lady some rules- but I can't help thinking that my vengeful face might be haunting her for a few days now.

4. I was at this restaurant with my parents and some family friends and the waiter poured water in our glasses from this transparent jar that had some random plant in it. I had two major concerns at that point. a) That plant had grown there because the restaurant was a messy dump ( not at all really) and b) If it was meant to be there then what was it? So when the guy came back, instead of asking him directly which plant it was, I kind of mumbled "What was the plant?" He looked so confused that I nearly cried. Then I asked him he actual question. I think he thought that I had some sort of a brain defect.

That's all I can think of now :)
I don't know if that's a good thing though :O :p

                                                      Dignity Successfully Destroyed.

Thank you Tumblr, for all the epic gifs :)
I feel much better now that I've written this post, and have seen some Dan and Phil awesomeness :)
Gotta go solve physics practice papers :'(
Ta.

Alvida,
Squish

PS: I don't know if I mentioned this earlier but I watched the IMITATION GAME. It was PHENOMENAL. I loved it. I'll talk about it next time!!! <3

Around the Sun in 365 Days

Phan Phan Phan Phan Phan

Hi?

I'm so sorry?

I don't even know what is appropriate in this circumstance.

I haven't blogged since 19th April, 2014.

It's unacceptable.

I'm really sorry!!!

I have no excuse. Well I kind of do, tenth standard has been a heck of year what with the truckload of tests, practicals, project submissions and marathon studying. It's been stressful but it's finally over.
In fact, my prelims (preliminary examinations) just came to their glorious end today! I have my final exams (ICSE Board Exams) starting in a little more than a month but I'm truthfully, not too stressed about them because
a) They're actually quite simple
b) I already have admission in college via scholarship
c) I'm so tired of this endless cycle of studying stupid shit

So I am now relaxing. Since I haven't blogged for almost a year, I think it wold be fitting for me to re-introduce myself and my life. I'll tell you all the things that have happened recently (since I can't remember all the way back to last April) and you can gather some sort of a vague idea of who I was, am and am in the process of developing into!
I'll list (I love listing) :)

1. Tenth standard was a hard year but I think I made some really great friends. I mean, they were already friends with me, but I think they're closer and I really enjoy hanging out with them. I was quite an introvert and still am, and nearly had a panic-attack the last time I had to go to the canteen to buy "roti" (Indian flat bread). However, I think I have made a small amount of progress with my fear of people and judgement. I am no longer as afraid of singing in front of large groups as I sang alone on a big stage at this inter-school competition. My fear of public-speaking might just have reduced a fraction. When it comes to grades, I kept them up and I'm really satisfied with how things are.

2. I have decided to pursue a career in medicine and am starting coaching from this upcoming April. I'm really excited to finally have great teachers teaching me my favorite sciences and I think even if college will be a grueling ordeal, I might actually enjoy it. I hope I can pluck up the courage to make some new friends and the tough schedule doesn't shatter my spirit into pitiful little crystals :D

3. Speaking of plucking up the courage, my best friend asked me out. But I never had feelings for him so I declined in a way that I initially thought was, for all intents and purposes, tactful. However later onward when the two of us looked back at how I had handled the situation, I couldn't have been more hopeless :( But now, after some awkwardness, we're back to being best friends, and he's dating one of my friends from school. I'm happy for them, truly:)

4. When it comes to dating, feelings and all mushy things, I have made no progress. But what would you expect from a girl in a single-sex school who harshly judges everyone based on fandom-choice, socio-political beliefs and general intelligence? Trust me, by this I don't mean to sound like some high-brow uncannily clever person. I just wish that there were more sensible, good-looking, single and compassionate boys about. Ummm also, I'm not "ek saw pratishat"  (100%) certain that I'm solely attracted to boys. There might have been a girl I liked from school but I'm not gonna go on about that because I'm not sure whether I just really liked her as a person or legit had a crush on her. I'm confused, you know?

5. We moved into a new apartment which is beautiful:) In my room, I had one of the walls painted a shade of golden (like Leslie's wall in Bridge To Terabethia) and it shines in the sunlight. (No obnoxious comparison to Edward freaking Cullen's Cutaneous Pyrotechnics please). I love the view, the extra space and the fact that my two closest childhood friends are in this building too. But at times I have these pangs of longing for my old home.

6. I read many many incredible books and talking about all the ones that had some sort of an impact on me will take way too long so maybe from now I'll try doing a few book reviews every now and then :) It'll be fun :)

7. The current state of events in the world, the liberal use of weaponry and the ever present hypocrisy and hatred really makes me feel helpless at times. I urge everyone to please go to https://www.change.org/  and sign as many petitions as possible! There are many other sites too where you can help in making a positive change just by pressing a button. PLEASE do this. It takes a pinch of compassion, humility and understanding to recognize the cries of help that we see all around us. sometimes, a simple subscription helps.

8. I have to go to a tenth-standard batch party today at this restaurant place. I don't know what we'll do there because parties are generally just a blur of dancing, meeting people and painfully loud music. The only stand-out is the great food. But if that sucks too, then, in my opinion, that party is a pile of horsecrap. So I hope I'm not voluntarily signing up for a terrible evening :/
You know what, I had this thought, about half an hour before midnight on 31st December when I was hanging out with a couple of my friends, that I should start being more positive and open to other and alternative ideas. I sometimes am so deeply submerged in worries of all the bad outcomes, that I forget to hope for the best. I need to change this awful habit.
Now. I will change it now. I will hope that this upcoming gathering is not going to be a complete failure and that I will actually end up having some fun because if I go there expecting the evening to crash and burn, there is a higher probability of it actually being that way than the alternative.

Voila! That's the moral for the day!

*sorry* Caffeine rush happening right now :p

Anyway, I better go and do something else now, as I've been sitting in front of the comp ever since I got home. I think I'll read some fanfictions :p Or this incredible story I'm reading on Wattpad.
Or I might call a friend and we could go for a walk while the golden rays of the sun activate all the Vitamin D and melanin in our skin.

*sorry* It's the caffeine talking!!

I solemnly swear that I will write more often from now on.
Mischief Managed.

Alvida,
Squish.

PS: That Phan-love in the beginning was to soften you up so that you hate me hust a little less for not writing for so long :) PSYCHHHHHH

"I think you should be the official stuff-namer"

"And now it seems to me, the beautiful uncut hair of graves"
                                                                   -Paper Towns                                                                  
Yes.
I made the punishable mistake of reading another John Green book.
And while I am thoroughly in love with it and Quentin, there is no going back on the fact that now I'm contemplating the reason of my existence and the worth of my problems.

For example, when Quentin breaks through the various metaphors used on basic human relationships and life, I can't help but think about being irreparably broken.
Or worse, living in a world where you believe that you are irreparably broken.

Or, even more thought-provoking than that, what if I imagine the people I know? What if I don't really know them? What if the expectations, the hopes, or just my imagination, has compiled together a fictional life for me, where I deal with these paper people, in a paper way?

What even is Realizing?
How do you know whether what you have "realized" even is the right thing to realize?
Is there even a right thing to realize? How do we differentiate between what we already know and what our mind develops? If reality was linked to realization, would we all be living differently? Or is reality made of flimsy paper thin fantasies that have encompassed our live in their desirable arms?

But what I really truly LOVED about the plot is the emphasis on human behavior.How Q, Ben, Radar, Lacey, Ruthie, Q's parents, Jase, Chuck and finally, Margo, are all just people.
And in the end, I think, there is no paper. All you can do is just look at it from the angle of whichever metaphor you pick, and dream out a life. Live just like you would think you're un-papered self would live. Then, look at how you are living. Compare the two. In the end I think these two will meet, even if for a moment. But they will meet. And when they do, you would probably realize that What is you reality, and what is your dream, and what the difference between the two is, can only be determined by you.

So I'm gonna take this book with me. I'm gonna go on living exactly how I'm living at present, because this story hasn't told me my life is sad or boring or in need of an adventure. It has simply told me that there are multiple facets and multiple metaphors, and if you're ready to accept that, you can flit in between them like a bird in paradise without getting hurt. So now whenever I feel that something I'm doing is an entirely "paper-act" I'll look again, just like how Quentin read Song of Myself so many times, and whether or not my perspective of that particularly odious task changes or not, I will have gained several views.
Then I can choose!!!!

But AFTER all this extreme philosophy has been worn down....
I'm gonna play metaphysical I-Spy with people.
Done.

Also I just have to commend John Green for making the book fan-freaking-funny-tastic. I have NEVER though that peeing into a beer bottle in a minivan could be made to sound this hilarious.
I mean  i literally had tears streaming down my face as I gasped for breath or for the moment when he would reveal the true Margo, I don't even know which one I was crying for, but whatever it was, it was FUNNY.
My gyad.

So I'm sorry I haven't written in more than a freaking month, but I've been busy okay???
Anyway, the summer vacations start in a couple of days, so I guess my ranting will be more frequent then :)
Speaking of emoticons, I got a new phone and it's pretty fantastic!!
But after the initial exhilaration of being on WhatsApp and playing Temple Run and Instagram and all that, I kind of had a moment of complete actualization where I identified the phone for what it truly was.
A gadget.
Just a damn gadget.
A fun gadget, but a gadget all the same.
So then after that moment of enlightenment, I now spend less time on it.

Also, I've had it with people telling me not to study so much because from studying so much I am benefiting. And it is my choice and I'm simply over being walked all over like an effing carpet because my decisions, motives and reasons are valid.

I AM A PROUD GEEK THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Alvida,
Squish

PS: OHMYGOODLORD DIVERGENT THE MOVIE WAS SPECTACULAR I THINK I HAVE THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON SHAILENE WOODLEY AND THEO JAMES. AS WELL AS THE REST OF THE CAST.
Praise the flaming bisexual in me.... :D

More about this next time okay??? :)<3<3