A Lesson in Acceptance

I'm presently watching The Diamond of the Day Part 2.
My hands are shaking.
I kid you not. They actually are.

I know this is the end.
I know what's going to happen.
I know that sitting here in denial, pretending that it won't, is stupid.
I know that however much I wish, there will be no season 6.
I know.

But I can't accept it.

I CAN'T.

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No.
Arthur....

No.

He can't be dead.

He.... he can't.

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I thought I had prepared myself for this.... You know, at least tried to accept it....

Guess I was wrong.

I have not cried this hard in a long time.

Now I'm just... Shocked into silence.

This....

No.
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I wrote that much of the post yesterday... (and cleverly forgot to publish it)  When I was seriuhsly grieving.... I'm still sad. very sad. But I've come to accept it.... I mean, Merlin, Guinevere, the knights, Camelot.... they all accepted it... And slowly moved on.... So can I. Arthur dying was like losing a friend.... Merlin ending was like a chapter of my life closing.... I need to remember it with a smile and not with pain...

Now there may be hundreds of you who believe that I'm making a seriously huge mountain out of a molehill.... That's okay. I think so too. I could say Merlin is just a tv show and that it never really happened. I could dismiss it all as nonsense and move on...

But I don't want to. I want Arthur's (so what if it never ACTUALLY happened) death to teach me something.... That things don't always turn out perfect. But eventually, if you have good in your heart... You can have a great life... You can move on from your losses and learn and respect other people's sacrifices.

With that...

Alvida,
Squish.

PS: I kinda stole the post title from a Lesson in Vengeance from Season 5 of Merlin :)